Now That Every Human Owns a Pair of Nike Free Sneakers…

Andrew Cushing:

I told you from the start that the humans’ absurd fashion obsessions would be their undoing. You asked, “But what about those who do not exercise? What about those who do not go running?” And I assured you, in my infinite divine wisdom, that even those who do not run would still wear the running sneaker. I told you that whether or not they use the sneaker for its intended purpose does not matter to the humans.

Still, you questioned me.

I own three pairs.